fark, i just read through my post and wow have i been through some crazy shit.
i havnt posted in a while and by a while i mean 4 months or so. But since then heaps has happend..
i lost intrest in posting things on a blog after a few people laughed at me, i realised i sounded like a whining bitch. but im back now ;)

First off id like to say i have a boyfriend. Hes pretty damm cute. My friends LOVE him and so do i. but on the other hand my bestfriend isnt so keen on him nor are my parents. Me and paul arnt as close as usual and i miss him. And according to my parents my additude is changing. Ive done a lot of stupid shit between my last post and now, some ruiend friendships some gave me a bad image. but ive faced the fact that things have to get worse before they get better. just hoping it works out sooner rather than later

Times like these you can really fucking see who your true friends are. She should of known, he could of seen and they should of came. I really dont know what to do i just want to cry but i know im better than that. This is just shit, and just in tiem for my birthday. Once again its going to shit. Somthing like this happens once a year always in time for this day. I bring my hopes up thinking this would be a good day and its only going to be shit. Its just like any other fucking day of the year people act fake and you act happy that everyones got attention on you for that 5 seconds where they say happybirthday then the day is back to normal. You dont feel older, or better or anything. I dont even want presents, i dont want it to be celebrated. Tonight im just going to have to smile even though thats the last thing i want to do.. so heres so me. Just another fucking day. Its going to be as shit as the rest.

You ever wanted something so bad that you just can't have?? You ever needed that one thing that's not in your grasp. It's you that I'm wanting and needing like that. So baby do me this favor and come right on back to me.

“He broke up with you, right? After telling you he loved you and calling you pet names like baby and cutie? Yeah, I know he lavished you in compliments, only to put himself down so you would stroke his fake low ego. Did he tell you that you were beautiful? I bet he promised you a personalized song. Or maybe he’d always mention how he was lying in bed and wished you were there. He dragged “I love you” out of you, didn’t he? Yeah, don’t deny it. He would talk to you last thing at night and first thing in the morning. He constantly mentioned losing sleep over you, every night, but we both know he slept like a rock. He made you love pictures that were just sort of “bleh” before. Did you delete those pictures after he broke your heart? Yeah, me too. All of your friends hate him now, don’t they? Remember how happy they were for you? They warned you. Just remember, it’s okay to cry. And referring to him as “asshole” is perfectly expected. Because, trust me, you’ll end up talking about him just as often, if not more, than before the break up. There will be the “one time”s and the “I remember”s, and once you think you’re over him, watch out. You better keep your eyes closed in the hallways, because I promise you, the next time you see him, he’ll be all over some other girl. A little part of you will want to warn her, but nobody will blame you for hating her and for blaming her for your pain. Yeah, you’ll compare all guys to him, because aside from the man-whorish, heart-breaker thing, he was perfect. He was everything you had ever wanted. Or maybe you made that up. Maybe, the second he started to show interest, you made up this perfect guy in your head, and he just happened to be just like him. Listen, you will find the perfect guy for you just like everybody says you will, and it will be soon. Okay, so I didn’t believe it either, but I’m starting to.The most important thing though is don’t let him know he hurt you. Don’t let him know he could have you back in a heartbeat. Don’t give him that satisfaction. Make him think you’re completely happy. When he decides to wave at you like nothing ever happened, wave back, sure. But don’t smile. Make him think he meant as little to you, as you obviously meant to him."

ITS YOU! I know it you know it, so why isnt any of us doing anything about it?

You are the one who knows me the most

You are the one i can be myself around

You are the one i always think about

You are the one who will always like me back

You are the one i was most happiest with

You are the one i need

You are the one im not over

You are the one.

You were my first love

but then..

You were the one who hurt me the most.

But why do you have so have so much of a reputation that scares me from getting back with you. Im scared to talk to you because i know id go week at the knees, fall for you again. And in everyones eyes thats the wrong thing to do. I belive youve changed since then.. but then again ive thought that about a lot of guys.

You and i both know, we dont have to look anyfurther. We have eachother. I guess were holding it off because it will mean much more when where older and we both know that the feelings we have for eachotehr wont go away. Relationships arnt ment to end like that. Im excited for the future, just to be with you again. But for now enjoy being single, go with anygirl, do what you want and ill do the same. But in the end..call me ;)

Im actually happy youve moved on. I was weighing you down. Obviously waisting both of our time on somthign that would never happen. I didnt want to give up but it was the only way because i cant seem to trust you again, youve had your chances and i fell for you again stupid me. Fool me me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me....but three times? i must be blind. You told me to leave you alone so here you go my last post about you, my last thought about you. Ill erase you from my facebook and phone but from my memory i cant. If you see this youll laugh, because i know how you hate these but i dont and im not going to stop doing the things i love for you and i guess you should do the same. All this i would say to your face but i dont want to start shit again. sorry for you finding out the hard way once again. sorry for trying to change you, youve put the blame on me and ive acepted. But theres no regrets here. goodbye.

I miss speaking to you, im sorry for whatever i did to make you stop.

I remember we would speak on the phone everynight, i havnt spoken you in a month.

This is gettting out of control i want you back in my life. Even just as friend

I want you back for good, this time dont leave me.

I'm not going to set high standards but i want this birthday to be the best ha ha Ive got the greatest idea so hopefully all goes well. but between me and you if i don't get a heap of orange tic tacs.. ill be disappointed :)

Life is like a fucking rollercoaster then it drops.
But why should i scream for?

This is my Theme park.

tehehehe